I was considering some things today about cancer and a phrase came to mind:

The companionship of cancer.

Weird. I know. "Companionship"????? Usually that word is associated with friendship...a friendship that is closer than acquaintances, that is deeper than 'how's the weather', that is stronger than simply the company you keep.

Do I really consider cancer as a companion? What does that phrase actually mean to me? My mind is a bit boggled by this as they seem together, an oxymoron.

I suppose I can see this through the lens of context. When this phrase came to mind, I was considering cancer in the context of how life-changing it has been. How it has totally turned me upside down, inside out and backwards. How it has reconstructed not only my physical body, but also that of my entire outlook on life. So, I guess there is some sense to this phrase in thinking how it has totally transformed me. There are some relationships in life that are completely transformative… am I right?!

I think another element to consider is that of closeness. Cancer has been close to every second of every minute of every hour of the last 640 days. It has been with me as I’ve driven on the roads to and from work. It has been with me as I parent my kids. It has been with me as I connect with my husband. It has been with me as I do my job and counsel others. It has been with me as I’ve walked my dog and taken showers and painted my nails. It has been with me as I’ve slept at night and dreamt of things unconscious. It, by definition, has been my companion – ‘something or someone that is frequently in the company of, associates with or accompanies; to live with another in the capacity of a helpful friend; a mate or match of something. An interesting concept for certain……

And on that ‘to live with another in the capacity of a helpful friend’ portion of the definition, I suppose I can go as far as to say that cancer has helped me see the depth, richness and value of my life and of my death. It has shown me things that nothing else…and I mean NOTHING ELSE…will ever be able to show me. It has opened my mind to new ways of thinking, new attitudes to experience life through, new truths to live by and new purposes to explore. It has challenged me to consider ‘if I die today, what will my life have meant.’ It has given me the grace to start over with some things and rearrange my priorities so that my best life can be lived. It has also shown me the necessity of my faith because when I die, the certainty I have of seeing the face of Jesus is of primary importance…. Helpful friends are those that speak up and boldly confront the things in another’s life that need transformation. Helpful friends do this because they believe that other person’s life matters enough to do so.

Companionship, it has offered…no doubt.